All Those Other Guys
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: A series of one-shots with varying genres focusing on the more minor characters in the Mario world.
1. Trouble Bug

This is a new series I think I'm gonna start. It's going to be a collection of one-shots focusing on the more minor video game characters. I plan to have collections like this in other categories, like Banjo-Kazooie, Donkey Kong, Kirby, and possibly even more other obscure games (anyone remember Commander Keen?)

Anyway, the genres will probably shift depending on the story. I'm kind of experimenting with different ideas right now.

So this first chapter is called "Trouble Bug," which according to Smash Bros DOJO is what the flames in the arcade Donkey Kong were called. I figure, might as well start it with one of the oldest Mario characters.

* * *

Life. He felt the feeling of life. What once had been nothing was now something. Which is a rather redundant thing to say, come to think of it. But it didn't matter. The flame was too young to know what "redundant" meant.

What DID he know? That was the question. What had sank in about his environment around him? He hopped forward, for he had no feet to walk on. He took another hop.

The flame looked around. Above him were piles and piles of construction materials. He could make out a small man hopping around overhead, dodging barrels that came barreling down (if you will pardon the pun). At the very top, the flame could barely make out a hulking figure throwing the barrels down.

At that moment, a barrel barreled by (once again, excuse the pun), barely missing the flame. It fell into an oil barrel and out popped...another flame! It looked around, just as the first one had, equally taken aback.

It was then that it occurred to the first flame what had just happened. Whatever that strange being at the top was, the one throwing the barrels, he was the one who had given them life! They had to serve him!

Perhaps it was merely instinct, but the flames both realized something. The small "jumpman" who was moving towards the barrels...he was the enemy. He was trying to hurt their creator. They couldn't let him do that.

Slowly but steadily the flames inched up the site, somehow managing to climb ladders to get higher. More flames were following them, all born from barrels joining the parade to burn the evil "jumpman." They could have worked together in an attempt to burn down the steel structure, but they might hurt their leader, the mysterious barrel-thrower. And so they continued towards the "jumpman."

The first flame was the first to reach him and see what an ugly little thing the "jumpman" was. He was short and pudgy and had the world's most ridiculous moustache. He was the most repulsive person the flame had ever seen, albeit the only person the flame had ever seen as well.

The flame bounced (or hovered or hopped or however it managed to move itself about, which it had not quite figured out, having existed for only a few minutes) closer and closer towards its enemy. He felt himself sparking with anticipation. The "jumpman" had not noticed him. He was busy jumping over barrels, which seemed to have no effect on the line of progressing flames.

But then something happened. The "jumpman" found a hammer. Oddly enough, the hammer just seemed to floating in midair. Strange as it was, this was also a world of living flames and giant apes...one of whom, as the flames could now make out, was apparently their leader. This was off-putting for a split-second, but not as off-putting as what happened next.

The "jumpman" smashed his hammer down onto the barrel---and it broke open! It shattered! Fragments of wood splintered everywhere! That was one less flame! The "jumpman" had a weapon!

The first flame, being the closest, knew he had the responsibility and privilege to rid his companions of this foe. Closer and closer he got as the "jumpman" continued to smash barrels. At this point, he sort of wished he could move a little faster. Still, he was just INCHES away from burning this enemy, this ugly creature! He could just lick the man's feet and watch him topple down to the flames below! He could do it all himself! He could do it with the others! He would be the ape's favorite!

The flame was not an evil flame; merely a loyal one. In fact, in his young and inexperienced eyes, he was doing a good thing. And that is why what happened next I personally consider to be a tragedy, and the fall of a hero. For as the flame was ready to reach an appendage-like spark out and heat things up for the "jumpman," it turned out he wasn't fast enough. The "jumpman" felt the heat behind him, turned around, and POOF! He brought the hammer down and snuffed out the light.

And yet, when the battle was done, when the girl was rescued and the ape was carted off to the zoo, the flame was not really gone.

A spark remained.

It shimmered a bit and then blew away in the wind.

A little bit of the flame was in that spark.

And it was followed by a line of other sparks.

What happened to the sparks after that? I like to think they flew in the breeze, enjoying things, as innocent creatures should be able to do. Yes. I think that's what happened.

* * *

Too cheesy? Too sweet at the end? Honestly, my original idea was to end it right at the flame getting snuffed out, but I just couldn't. I had grown to love the little guy. It wasn't his fault he was on the wrong side. So I figured to give all the little sparks a break. Besides, I really like the WAFF endings.


	2. Snifit

A large group of various local monsters had gathered at a cave in World 3-1 of Subcon. Most of them were disinterested, but a friendly (although not too bright) Snifit had invited them all there and they felt that they should at least hear him out on whatever it was that he wanted to share with them.

"My friends," the little Snifit began, "I have gathered you all here to share with you a remarkable invention that I'm marketing!"

The crowd appeared to be curious.

"Well, it's not a totally new invention," the Snifit confessed, a little nervously. "I…all Snifits are born with these. I'm talking about the Snifit mask."

"Wait, you're BORN with them?" asked a Tweeter. "I thought it was a cult thing."

"No," said the Snifit. "Those are Shyguys. They do it by choice and we're born with them."

"So what good is the Snifit mask to us?" asked a Ninji.

"YES!" cried the Snifit. "Yes, thank you to the Ninji who got us back on track."

"My name is Mark."

"Thank you, Mark. Yes, with this mask you too can shoot nightmare bullets at pesky heros like Mario!"

Now THIS interested the crowd. Mario was a big pain and it would be nice to finally see him gone once and for all.

The Snifit smiled (although it was hard to tell with his mask that he was apparently born with). "That's right, we're getting somewhere. I have had truckloads of these things created for you!"

A Giant Shy Guy raised his stubby hand. "Do they come in different sizes?"

"No," said the Snifit. "No, they're all this one size, that's all."

"How do we shoot the bullets?" asked a Pokey.

"You just load it up and blow!" explained the Snifit, now a little more excited. "Pow!"

"Where do we get the bullets from?" asked a Pidgit.

"You buy them from me," said the Snifit. "We Snifits naturally produce them, so supply may be short. But, uh, you can put small rocks inside if you want."

The crowd was silent.

"Seriously?" a Porcupo finally asked. "Small rocks?"

"Yes."

No one said anything.

"I spent a lot of money on this…" the Snifit said quietly. "…crap."

* * *

And that's why there's only one red Snifit in SMB2. Wait, no it isn't.


	3. Ninji

The life of a Ninji used to be so simple. For most it was simply standing around and jumping in place. Maybe someone would run into them by accident. Maybe not. Some of the more advanced Ninjis were trickier, tougher foes. They could jump and run _at the same time_. They would often spring out of nowhere and do quite a number on unsuspecting foes.

After Wart's downfall, most Ninjis lost their jobs, no longer needed as grunts for the villainous frog. They went on to bigger and better things. Some taught karate. Some sold erotic literature. Others settled down and worked on starting a family. A few took up dance. Things were different, but it wasn't too bad, all in all.

But there were a few who missed aiding a large green monarch bent on some kind of domination. They missed the wacky rants, the growls and hisses, the massive castles. But most of all, they missed the battles. They missed defending the fortresses from intruders and hoping that someday their dreams would come true. Their dreams, of course, were the same of their leader. They wanted their glorious leader to rise above all of the Mushroom Kingdom!

…and all of the surrounding territories, of course. It was unclear what was and wasn't part of the Kingdom. That got confusing at times.

The few Ninjis who missed their old jobs decided to apply with a new boss: King Bowser Koopa. They journeyed to his castle (or one of his castles, at least) and humbly asked (begged) him to join his forces.

"What, people gotta ask me to join the pack now?" shrugged Bowser. "Most guys aren't that polite. It's kinda refreshing. And weird."

"Please, sir!" begged one of the Ninjis. "We can run! And jump!"

"Or do both at once!" added another one.

"Eh, why not?" said Bowser. He turned to his advisor/servant/head wizard/whatever, Kamek, and whispered "These guys are pathetic!"

"Sire," sighed Kamek, "our main soldiers mostly just walk around in straight lines and then do _something_ to hurt Mario and Luigi. I hardly thing these ninja things could be worse. Besides, they run. And jump. At the same time. That's unfortunately quite advanced for our forces."

Bowser, however, had only registered part of what Kamek had said. "Yeah, that's weird. How come Goombas can hurt Mario by just walking into him, huh? Maybe they bump him really hard or something."

Kamek sighed again.

The Ninjis were placed in the Valley of Bowser, a special area of Dinosaur Land that Bowser bought (only doing it legally as to not make the local Yoshis suspicious). Bowser had explained to his troops through a really fun song (written by Jellyfish) that he planned to use the Yoshis as fossil fuel and to not tell anyone and that if Mario, Luigi and Peach were to come there on vacation and he were to end up kidnapping Peach yet another time, that would be okay too.

Indeed, Peach did get captured and the Mario Bros did race to her rescue. Finally, they arrived at the entrance to the Valley of Bowser and fought their way to the main castle.

In the darkness of the fortress hid the Ninjis, clad in black robes. Stealfully they had trained themselves to blend into the hallway. They were Mario and Luigi's final challenge before they faced Bowser himself.

"He'll never see us coming," whispered one of the Ninjis.

"Yeah," giggled a second.

"Not when we've got the dark on our side!" agreed the third.

Suddenly, the lights went on. Luigi had found the switch.

"Since when did we have one of those?" asked a bewildered Ninji, right before they found themselves quickly and easily trampled by the Mario Bros, who then went on to duke it out with the Koopa King.

"Just like old times…" said one of the Ninjis, lying dazed and defeated. "But no vegetables. Not bad, guys. Not bad."

* * *

The Ninjis are probably some of my favorite Mario enemies. Just gonna say that.


	4. The Fortress Dwellers

It was boring being a Thwomp. Mostly, they just waited in midair for some intruder to walk under them and then THWOMP! But for the most part, it was just waiting, waiting, waiting. Time stood still. Sometimes the clock would get low and then the music would get fast and panicky, subconsciously unnerving most players, but it was just tedious for the most part.

"I'm bored," grumbled Thump Thwomp, also known as Thwomp #4 in Sea Side's second fortress. He looked around. No sign of anything wrong. Just a couple of Dry Bones on patrol.

THWOMP! Thump thudded (or rather, thwomped) to the floor.

"Yaaaaah!" screeched one of the Dry Bones. "What's going on? Where's the intruder?"

"Nah, dere ain't no intrudah," sighed Thump. "I was just gettin' bored o' waitin' up dere fer so long. Really really bored. We ain't got no intrudahs fer a long time. Evah since Mario an' da udder one busted up the joint and kicked out Wendy an' her Troopas, Watah Land 'er Sea Side 'er whatevah ya's wanna calls it has been real peaceful-like. It's pointless, us stayin' here. Dey don't need us. Da Koopa clan has moved on and we's been left behind in da garbage."

"I can't tell if you've got a 1920's gangster accent or a Boston accent," said the Dry Bones, "but you're right. We're wasting our lives in here. And that fortress theme is really getting annoying after the thousandth loop or so."

"So why don't we just leave?" asked the other Dry Bones.

"Boom-Boom."

General Boom-Boom (whose first name was actually Fensworth, but no one called him that) had been appointed head of the fortress. He took his job very seriously and had a goal to make the biggest, strongest fortress ever. He still shuddered at his defeat at the hands (or feet) of Mario. Hey, de-feat, de-feet. It's a pun! Ah, wordplay.

"So what do we tell him?" asked a Boo Diddly. He preferred just to be simply called a Boo, but for some reason, Boom-Boom was very insistent on keeping the "Diddly" part, even though no one ever said that any more. It was considered an old-fashioned term, even for ghosts. Boom-Boom thought it kept the "SMB3 spirit," or something.

"Who says we's gotta tell him nuthin'?" asked Thump. "We just get outta here's. Dat's it."

Everyone agreed and wondered if it was as difficult to understand hearing what Thump was saying as it was to attempt to read it.

"Alright," said the Boo. "It's a walk out! Let's go!"

Grinning, they all began to head out. The door was right there! So close! But suddenly…

BOOM-BOOM! (The first "BOOM" was the sound that the fortress dwellers heard and the second "BOOM" was to emphasize that the person who made the first "BOOM" was none other than BOOM-BOOM!)

"What do you think you're doing?" he growled. "Troops, you're a disgrace! I can't believe you! Abandoning your post! You're disregarding orders from me, who in turn would be disregarding orders from Princess Wendy who in turn would be disregarding orders from King Bowser which would be _TREASON_."

"But Wendy never does what Bowser tells her to do," one of the Dry Bones protested.

"Irrelevant. We have been ordered to guard this fortress and as long as it stands, I will see that you all do your jobs!"

Thump smirked. "Okay, boss. We get whacha sayin'…C'MON, BOYS!"

Led by Thump, all the Thwomps of the fortress rose up into the air and came crashing to the ground with what had to be the thwompiest thwomp in the history of all thwomps. The walls and bricks began to crumble. Down came the fortress!

Since the Thwomps were made of stone, the Dry Bones could rebuild themselves, the Boos were ghosts, and Boom-Boom was one of the toughest Koopa/Rock/Ape/Winged Creature Things in Sea Side, no one was hurt.

"At ease," muttered Boom-Boom.

Everyone cheered. The fortress was gone and they could get on with their lives! "YEAH! POOL PARTY!"

And they all lived thwompily ever after.


	5. Morton Koopa Jr

"I don't understand," Kamek was saying to Bowser as the King of Koopas held his newest child. "Why name him Morton Koopa JUNIOR? There's no one named Morton in your family!"

"There is now," said Bowser happily.

Kamek scratched his head and tried again. "Yes, of course, but why the 'Junior' part if he's the only Morton?"

"Because I've always wanted a Junior in the family," replied Bowser, in a mater-of-fact sort of way.

"Then why not name him 'Bowser Junior'?" asked Kamek.

"BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY BOWSER AROUND HERE! AND IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE THAT WAY!"

Baby Morton began to cry.

"Aww," moaned Bowser, "now you made me make my kid cry. I've gotta go feed him now. Thanks a LOT, Kamek!"

Kamek watched Bowser storm off. "I bet he changes his mind when he can't think of any more names," the wizard said to himself.

* * *

Oddly enough, I almost forgot about Bowser Jr while I was writing this. I guess that shows how much I care about the character.


	6. King of the Pipe Maze

"All hail the Pipe King!" cheered the crowd. Out of the royal pipe-throne rose His Royal Highness, the Pipe King, known for his extremely eccentric ways. He was a good king, a kind king, a fair king, but quite quirky as well.

"My fair subjects," he announced to the crowd (which consisted of Toads, Piranha Plants, Goombas, Troopas, and assorted others), "I realize that I have never explained why I wear this Viking helmet."

The king actually had explained this many times, but he liked telling the story so much that people usually just let him keep going. "My family," he said, "comes from a long line of Vikings. Amazing Norsemen who sailed the seven or eight or nine seas, finding adventure, romance, violence, and meat of all kinds! I wear my hats to remember my roots. And I have been thinking about these roots. Why should I, a man of Viking blood, rule Pipe Land? Or the Pipe Maze? Or whatever we're calling this place now, hmm?"

No one was sure what to say.

"Maybe you should tell your Viking story again…" a Toad in the crowd nervously suggested.

"NO!" shouted the king. "From now on, I ask you all kindly to refer to me as 'Thor.' My goal is to make this place look more like our local World 7-4! You know, that one with all the Jelecos. It's a toughie. I plan to ask my good friend, the King of Sea Side or Water Land or the Sea or whatever we're calling it now to please send over some of their extra water. We're gonna Norse it up in here!"

Soon the Pipe Maze found itself a much wetter place. Although the king supplied everyone with a houseboat, it still didn't seem quite right. Some tunnels which had previously been popular hangout spots for the young Munchers now just didn't seem suitable for playing in anymore.

Some people liked it. A vacationing Thwomp (by the name of Thump) from Sea Side was delighted to find that this place had lakes too! "YEAH! POOL PARTY!"

For the most part, though, it seemed like a failure. "King Thor" and Thump were happy, but no one else really was. Even the Jelecos were overwhelmed by all of the now open space. Fights were breaking out between groups of them. Electric fights.

News of this reached the king while he was hiring the famous Thunder Lakitu of Yoshi's Island (nicknamed Lakichu by his friends) to make it storm whenever anyone said "Thor."

"Lachichu," he said, "everyone seems to hate my decision. I should probably ask my advisor or someone like that, but since you're right here, I might as well ask you. What would you do in this case?"

"I would roast the ingrates," declared Lakichu in a deep voice. "I would rain thunder on them again and again for defying me! And I would make sure to do it when they were in the water as well! Yes, it may result in a permanent game over for them, but I would not care! Word would spread of my deeds and all would fear me! Even the other high Lakitu commanders like Lakithunder would bow to me! Perhaps I would even dethrone the great Giga Lakitu, our king! Yes, yes! That is what I shall do! I have a plan!"

With a loud, echoing laugh, Lakichu burst through the castle's stained-glass windows and into the distance.

"…I guess this means no thunder," sighed the king.

With a sigh, he moved to his backup plan, which was to turn a flashlight on and off really fast and make thunder noises whenever anyone said "Thor." That might get a reaction.

It wasn't until a few days later when conditions had gotten worse when Lakichu's words finally caught up with the king. He realized that he had misused his power to make himself happy at the expense of others.

"My friends," he announced at a grand meeting, "I'm sure you all know my Viking story."

The crowd (who were all floating on inner tubes) glared.

"Well," continued the king, "all of that will end now. From this day fourth, the kingdom will go back to normal!"

The crowd gave a huge cheer! A second after that, though, it occurred to everyone that they had no idea how to get rid of the water.

"Okay, new plan," said the king. "Who here likes houseboats?"


	7. Phanto

"I don't understand," whined Mouser, as he placed several intimidating masks on the wall, "why are we puttin' these things up?"

"Because," Wart smiled as he adjusted another mask, "I am the nightmare king. At least of the Subcon division. I'm not about to go up against the guys in Dream Land. But I still want to instill fear in Mario. These shall do the job. My little Phantos."

"Phantos?" repeated Mouser. "That ain't a very clever name, boss."

"Ah, but the name alone will make Mario tremble."

Mouser stepped back and looked at the Phantos that hung on the wall. "Eh, I guess the grin is a little unnervin', but I still don't see what's so scary about them."

"Perhaps a demonstration is in order," said Wart as he smiled again. "Do you see that key over there? I would like you to pick it up for me."

"Sure," said Mouser. But the second the rat touched the key, the masks swooped off the wall and began to chase him. Clutching the key, Mouse shrieked and ran around the castle's chamber with the Phantos at his heels.

"Not only will this terrify Mario," said Wart calmly, "but it will give him a bit of a sporting chance as well, don't you think?"

"Call 'em off!" screamed Mouser.

"Drop the key."

Mouser obeyed and the masks returned to the wall.

"They shall provide Mario his greatest nightmares," Wart hissed with a smirk.

But Wart was wrong. While the Phantos did give Mouser nightmares for years to come, Mario's dreams were much, much worse…


	8. Waluigi

Waluigi sat reading in his room when his brother, Wario, kicked down the door. "Waluigi! How come you never go on any adventures with me, bro?"

Waluigi shrugged. "I just don't feel like it, I guess. I'm reading a good book."

Wario slapped himself on the forehead. "Come ON, Waluigi! Think about all the great stuff we could do!"

(To the tune of "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" from _Hello Dolly_)

Wario: _**Out there**_

_**Outside of Diamond City**_

_**Outside of these slums, Waluigi**_

_**Why not come, Waluigi**_

_**Out there**_

_**Everyone could be our victims**_

_**People who we could both rob, Waluigi**_

_**And mob, Waluigi**_

_**Put on your stompin' shoes**_

_**There's a whole world to squash**_

_**We'll fill our pockets more and more and more**_

_**We'll beat up someone and make both his children watch**_

_**A lake that glitters**_

_**We'll stop and litter**_

_**And rob a liquor store**_

_**We'll start a fire and burn down the children's park**_

_**We're gonna watch and gonna see it shine**_

Both: _**Assault and battery**_

_**Kicking cats and reordering words on signs**_

_**And we won't come home until we're feeling fine!**_

Waluigi: _**Put on my stomping shoes and put down this old book**_

_**I guess that you might have something right there**_

_**It's been a while since I last went and took a look**_

_**For years I've sat here**_

_**And what's the matter with me, I'm getting some air!**_

_**I think that I'll go and put on those shoes, you know**_

_**There's nothing better to do, I suppose**_

Both: _**We'll bruise and blunder**_

_**And steal the thunder of those dumb Mario Bros**_

_**Yes, we're gonna show the world that we are**_

_**Gonna really prove that we are**_

_**Gonna show the world that we're the pros!**_

"Or maybe I'll finish this book," said Waluigi.

And so Wario went out and stole treasure and started a mini-game corporation and did other crazy stunts while Waluigi read his book. And that was okay.


	9. Tatanga

Tatanga was an alien kidnapper-for-hire. Essentially, he would do any job as long as it paid well. He had stopped at the Mushroom Kingdom one fateful day after a successful mission. He was sitting in an old bar at Rougeport, sipping down Chuckola Cola when a fat, smelly man dressed in yellow and purple walked in.

"I need a job done," the man said in a thick Italian accent.

Tatanga stood up, his curiosity aroused. "What kind of job?"

The man led Tatanga into a corner and whispered to him, his breath reeking of garlic.

"A kidnapping. Plain and simple," the man explained. "She's a princess, but she doesn't have much security. Her kingdom is fairly barren. Nothing much to loot. I'd know; I checked. I need a distraction, see? I have an grudge against this Mario guy and…look, it's a long story. All you need to know is that Mario is going to try to save her and you must not, at any cost, let her go. Got it?"

"I understand," nodded Tatanga. "Your motive is not important. I always do the job that is required. I shall guard this princess with my life."

Wario gave Tatanga a few more details: The princess was named Daisy and she lived in the remote area known as Sarasaland. With that in mind, Tatanga hopped into his ship and took off to capture the princess.

…

The kidnapping process was quite simple. Tatanga flew into Sarasaland with his ship, the Pagosu. With a flick of his wrist, Tatanga was able to zap Daisy's entire castle and pull the princess out in his tractor beam.

Daisy screamed in horror as she was lifted into Tatanga's ship. She had heard stories from her good friend, Princess Peach, about being kidnapped before, but she never thought that it would happen to her. Daisy didn't think she was worth kidnapping in the first place.

Once inside the ship, Daisy was thrust into a cage by a pair of robots (known as Mekabons). Without a word to her, the robots then walked into the control room where Tatanga sat and saluted him.

"Is she locked up?" Tatanga asked them.

The robots saluted him.

"Excellent."

The outrage was unbelievable. All of Daisy's loyal subjects did anything they could to stop the alien invader. King Totomesu and his army of Gaos shot fireballs at the ship. Bunbuns flew up and jabbed the vessel with their spears. Daisy's head guard, Hiyoihoi, began throwing boulders at the ship.

Not much of this did much damage, but all the outcry unnerved Tatanga.

"Her followers are well-organized," he muttered to his robots. "This could prove my downfall if I do not act quickly. A little bit of mind control should do the trick."

Tatanga pressed a button on the control board. A green wave of energy swept over the creatures below. All of Daisy's followers stopped rioting and bowed down to Tatanga, ready to cater to his every whim.

The worship didn't interest the alien. Nothing really did. He had always felt empty. Strolling into the prisoner's hatch, he decided to take a look at the princess. The only thing that ever made him happy was the look of fear in his victims' eyes.

But when he saw Daisy, it all changed.

She was beautiful. Admittedly, she was a completely different species than he was, but when he looked at her honest face and saw her flowing, brown hair, it didn't matter.

Daisy and Tatanga stared at each other. No words passed between them. After what seemed like ages, Tatanga fled from the room.

"I must wed this woman," he whispered to his robots.

…

Mario soon heard word of the captured princess and set off towards Sarasaland. It was a long and difficult journey, but by and by, he managed to get through. He needed to. Someone was in need.

…

News of Mario's conquest soon reached Tatanga, but the alien shrugged it off. After all, he had an army of mind-controlled monsters to take care of the heroic plumber for him. Besides, he was preoccupied. He had a beautiful girl in the next room and he didn't know what to say.

Tatanga landed the ship on a mountain and had a room inside constructed. Daisy was to be shut inside of it. Partially, it was to keep Mario from getting in, but Tatanga also felt a little more comfortable with the princess farther away from him. She had made him feel so much, leaving him an unsure wreck.

Tatanga stayed shut up in his quarters for a few days as he pondered what to do next. Finally, he had an idea. Putting on his best suit, he walked out of the ship and towards Daisy's cell, calm and collected.

All the confidence melted away when he looked into Daisy's eyes.

"Princess," he said softly, "will you dance with me?"

"Dance?"

"Please."

Tatanga pressed a button and the cell's door opened. Daisy walked out. Part of her wanted to punch Tatanga and make a break for it, but a few robots were patrolling the room. Besides, she really wanted to see where this was going. With a shrug, she held Tatanga's hand and began to waltz.

Tatanga's heart leapt. It was so different, so new! It was bittersweet and strange! He had never felt so many emotions before.

Suddenly, a crash was heard.

"Commander!" cried one of the robots. "Enemy! Alert! Danger! Danger!"

Tatanga dropped Daisy and ran to the ship. From below, he saw a smaller ship firing energy blasts at his own vessel. At the controls was a little man who Tatanga recognized from Wario's description as the hero, Mario. The alien's eyes widened.

"You will not have her!" roared Tatanga.

One of the robots quickly handed Tatanga an emergency jetpack, and the alien flew into his ship and began to fire back at Mario.

Suddenly, Tatanga remembered the mind control device. Why waste time fighting when he could easily turn Mario's favor?

But it was too late. Mario shot one final blast, sending Tatanga plummeting down into the ground.

…

Tatanga emerged from his ship's rubble hours later. Mario and Daisy were gone, and so was his army. Most likely, the mind control had worn off when his ship went down. Now he had nothing but a communicator device.

Pulling out the device, Tatanga called Wario. The greedy man's face appeared as a hologram on the communicator.

"I'm sorry, sir," sighed Tatanga. "I have failed."

"Huh? What?" asked Wario, confused. "Oh yeah, your mission. Nah, you did just fine. You distracted Mario long enough for me to take over his theme park."

"Theme…park? This was all about some amusement park?"

"Yeah, this place called Mario Land. What a narcissist. Anyways, it's mine now, so…yeah, ya did good."

Cackling, Wario's image faded out. Tatanga sighed again and stared at the floor.

"I may not have failed you, but I have failed myself."


	10. The Amazing Flyin' Hammer Bro

The Amazing Flyin' Hammer Bro was on top of the world. Or he was over it, at least. He flew all across Dinosaur Land, to the delight of all the inhabitants. How they would cheer as he took to the skies, throwing hammers everywhere he could. Yes, there were some fatalities, but for the most part, he brought joy and laughter into all of their hearts.

Until that one day.

Yes, that day when a little Dino-Torch looked up at the Flyin' Hammer Bro, then to his father, and finally said, "Waaaaait a second. He's called the Amazing Flyin' Hammer Bro, but he doesn't fly! Only his little platfrom does!"

The crowd gasped, except for the ones who were unconcious from hammer smacks.

"The child speaks the truth!" cried a Monty Mole.

A couple of Lakitus grabbed the Hammer Bro and threw him to the ground. Everyone cheered for the Amazing Flyin' platform instead.

The Hammer Bro thought for a moment, then knocked the entire crowd out with his shellful of hammers. Satisfied, he got back on his platform and flew away. He might not have been that amazing, but he didn't take crap from anyone.


	11. Captain Syrup

One fine, brisk day as the Black Syrup Pirates sailed the seven and a half seas of the Mushroom Kingdom, looking for treasure to loot and plunder and do whatever with, Captain Syrup suddenly turned to one of the Dangerous Ducks (her henchman) and said, "I've been thinking."

"Oh?" replied the duck. "What about, captain?"

"Well," said Captain Syrup, "we're extremely lucky, you know. Most Wario and Mario villains are one-shotters. Yet we've been in three games. That ought to count for something, you know."

"I guess so," said the duck. "I wonder why?"

Syrup grinned. "I'll tell you why..."

(To the tune of "I Am a Pirate King" from _The Pirates of Penzance_)

Captain Syrup: _**The Golden Diva was ugly true**_

_** Cackletta almost made me spew**_

_** The Shroob Queen was quite a sight to see**_

_** But none of them looked as good as me**_

_** Yes I look at all of them in disgust**_

_** They're not the victims of perverse lust**_

_** But many players truly feel**_

_** That I have genuine sex appeal**_

_** For I do have sex appeal**_

_** I've a body that the boys want to feel**_

_** Cause I have sex appeal**_

_** For I do have sex appeal**_

All: _**It's real, she does have sex appeal**_

Captain Syrup: _**I've a body that the boys want to feel**_

_** Cause I have sex appeal**_

All: _**It's true**_

_** Hurrah for the sex appeal**_

_** Hurrah for the sex appeal**_

_** For she does have sex appeal**_

_** It's real, she does have sex appeal**_

_** She's a body that the boys want to feel**_

_** Cause she has sex appeal**_

_** It's true**_

_** Hurrah for the sex appeal**_

_** Hurrah for the sex appeal**_

Captain Syrup: _**It wasn't always quite like this**_

_** I was once only in 8-bits**_

_** But then my sexiness did dawn**_

_** When I was detailed and drawn**_

_** When I was shown in the anime**_

_** They knew that look was there to stay**_

_** To that look most boys quickly take**_

_** And not just the Wiimote gets a shake**_

_** For a do have sex appeal**_

_** I've a body that the boys want to feel**_

_** Cause I have sex appeal**_

_** For I do have sex appeal**_

All: _**It's real, she does have sex appeal**_

_** She's a body that the boys want to feel**_

_** Cause she has sex appeal**_

_** For she does have sex appeal**_

_** It's real, she does have sex appeal**_

_** She's a body that the boys want to feel**_

_** Cause she has sex appeal**_

_** It's true**_

_** Hurrah for the sex appeal**_

_** Hurrah for the sex appeal**_


	12. Meme

It was a typical day over at Morton's WoodDoor-Hysteria hotel. There sat a group of monsters, who were all having a riveting conversation.

"Nice of the princess to invite us over for a picnic, gay Luigi," said Pat the Bat.

"I hope she made lotsa spaghetti!" agreed Rhinestone Goomba.

Mini-Ninji nodded. "All toasters toast toast."

"Hey you!" cried Bellhop Goomba, making an excellent point. "Get offa my cloud!"

"If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels," Evil Coin brought up, "check the enclosed instruction book."

Z Koopa countered this. "You're the best player ever!"

"Mah boi," said Skeleton Koopa, "this peace is what all true warriors strive for."

Everyone glared at him.

"Get...out," hissed Bellhop Goomba.

Sadly, Skeleton Koopa walked away. The others went back to talking.

"That's that creepy Bowser laugh," stated Z Koopa, happy to be rid of someone who contributed nothing to the conversation.


End file.
